7 Secrets Of Happy Couples

7 Secrets Of Happy Couples

There is no miracle recipe for a successful relationship. However, while being happy together is based first and foremost on chemistry specific to each couple, there are some “ingredients” we can focus on to encourage, support, and develop our love for one another. There are indeed some rules or rather, secrets that can help. They aren’t magical, but they’re valuable tips that can be useful to all those who embark on the path of married life.

 

Discover the 7 secrets of relationship happiness. Which ones resonate with you the most?

They Accept Each Other’s Differences

It’s nearly impossible to find two people who do everything in exactly the same way. Being somewhat different from your partner can make your relationship more fun and exciting. You might get the chance to look at things in a new way, or experience things you wouldn’t have tried on your own. Compromise is a natural part of putting two distinct human beings together. It can be a celebration of our uniqueness. As long as both partners are willing to make adjustments or give things up for the sake of a better relationship, then the process of negotiation will only make you stronger. Happy couples don’t give up who they are to be in a relationship, but they work with their partners to bring out the best in one another.

They Cultivate The Art Of Their Conversations

One of the biggest problems in communicating is that most couples have a basic misconception of what the purpose of communication is.  Most approach talking with a partner as a debate in which each presents a preconceived version of the reality of what is going on between the two partner. One purpose of communication is to determine what reality is. Happy couples communicate in order to bring collaboration or oneness between them as they share and examine all of their perceptions, feelings, ideas and thoughts to come to an accurate understanding of what is happening. They have a special way of communicating that they reserve for their partners. What makes it special is that it does not include abusive behaviours such as: being complaining, demanding, bossy, irritable, sarcastic, childish, and condescending…to name a few.

They Practice Gratitude

Happy couples make it a point to notice when their partner has done something kind or thoughtful for them. They let their partners know that they appreciate their thoughtfulness by expressing your gratitude. They consider the personality of their partners and their history together and reflect upon the best ways for you, as a unique couple, to express gratitude. Showing gratitude helps because perhaps your partner would deeply appreciate a genuine “thank you,” or a sweet little note hidden someplace, or a hug at the end of the day.  Part of expressing true gratitude to your partner is expressing it in a way that shows you understand and appreciate them.

They Cultivate Physical Expressions Of Affection

Affection is more than just an emotion, it can be considered as a requirement in healthy relationships. Affection is an ebb and flow between two people, where each individual is giving and receiving a certain amount of contact and interaction at all times. Whether it is through a hug, kiss or just a phone call, affection is the way we show others in our lives how important they are in the world. Happy couples show physical expressions of affection as a way to showing the love they carry in their hearts for their partners.

They Text Less When Together But Have More Face To Face Interactions

In the good old days, dating was defined by a series of face-to-face encounters. People met, they spent time in each other’s company, they got to know each other’s friends and couples, and they evaluated the quality of their connection and compatibility in person. Sure, they talked on the phone or maybe sent the occasional letter, but the core of their relationship centred on face-to-face interactions. A subtle shift seems to be occurring in today’s dating relationships and it warrants our attention. Technology that once supplemented relationship development is now, it seems, taking on a larger role in relationship formation and maintenance. Happy couples often make a ground rule I n their relationship that when together, texting will be replaced by meaningful conversations together.

They Work Together As A Team

Partners in healthy relationships respect communicating the importance of each other’s time. They explore what they like to do as a couple, and individually, to grow the relationship, as well as themselves. Men are more likely to do nice things for people who show them massive amounts of respect. That’s how male brains are wired. In a relationship, it’s important to know that her brain is a little bit different. When it comes to planning and scheduling, two activities that actually relax the female brain, you both want to feel important. Including each other in the decision-making process shows that you care about each other’s schedules and interests.

They Energize And Inspire One Another

When you see each other, in your elements, you’ll become impressed, inspired and excited, which will help strengthen your relationship. Simple gestures can go a long way to energize your partner. Healthy couples know the importance of that ‘unspoken language’. Small things like eye contact or small talk are often overlooked, but can really help boost someone’s mood.

The 6 Best Tips for Handling Anger and Resentment in Relationships

Too much fighting in your relationship?

Empathy is the antidote to anger!

Resentment and anger in relationships often stem from utter dismay at how your spouse could have possibly done what they did.

You just can’t understand it — you never would have done such a thing.

So what is the solution to dealing with resentment against your spouse and its possible escalation to anger? The solution is to channel the shock at your spouse’s behaviour into empathy, to try and understand them, and to come at the situation trying to see their perspective. It’s trite to say, but that’s because it is advice which is perennial. If it were easy, no one would need to talk about it much.

In this post I cover 6 best tips to handle anger and resentment in relationships.

Use “I statement” feeling terms, but don’t use “you.”

Here is one example of how to phrase dissatisfaction over another spouse’s actions:

“I feel resentful that xyz Is still not done. I want to understand if I can help you in any way to fix xyz, because I will feel really relieved and relaxed when it’s sorted.”

Practice active listening.

Repeat back what you heard in order to confirm you understand, and affirm your partner’s feelings.

Count to ten before speaking.

Counting to ten will help you choose your words more carefully and not say something you will regret.

 

Love is not a contract between two narcissists. It’s more than that. It’s a construction that compels the participants to go beyond narcissism. In order that love lasts one has to reinvent oneself. – French Philosopher Alain Badiou

Implement the I-Thou.

“Catch” the other’s feelings, trying to feel them yourself. Surprisingly, this makes the experience of those feelings actually diminish.

This is powerful because it is really the only way a person can impact another’s experience with feelings of anger in relationships.

Connect physically.

For one, hug, and do have sex. For many women, this may involve a bit of fake it ’til you make it if the situation is in the process of being resolved but isn’t there yet. For most men, sex actually serves to alleviate resentment because it’s a form of connection in its own right.

 

Even though you both might not be in the same emotional place during the resolution process, connecting physically can help.

In fact, some marriage counsellors suggest that if the marriage is on a downswing, have sex at least once a day. The scheduled connection might put things in a different light and aid in resolving resentment.

Engage in daily empathy actions.

Empathy is not necessarily the default feeling and needs some retraining to become par for the course. Routine empathy can be actualized by checking in with our partners about how they are feeling, looking them in the eye, and regularly giving the benefit of the doubt. Once empathy becomes intrinsic behaviour, resentment often becomes a thing of the past.

Empathy, it turns out, is the antidote to anger in relationships. As such, feelings of empathy also fuel natural anxiety reduction. Not only will you hopefully come to an understanding with your life partner, you will both feel calmer.

Making empathy a regular part of your relationship will have an impact not only on getting along better, but ultimately feeling more connected and less stressed, because it facilitates you getting out of your own head, and into your partner’s. Empathy, as such, fosters unity, transforming narcissistic into conjoined, and dismay into understanding..

Conclusion

Practice the above to revive and handle Anger and Resentment in your relationship.

For men’s health-related issues contact today for assistance.

Psychological and Emotional Manipulation

9 Signs of Psychological and Emotional Manipulation

How to spot a manipulator in your relationship?

Psychological manipulation can be defined as the exercise of undue influence through mental distortion and emotional exploitation, with the intention to seize power, control, benefits and/or privileges at the victim’s expense.

It is important to distinguish healthy social influence from psychological manipulation. Healthy social influence occurs between most people, and is part of the give and take of constructive relationships. In psychological manipulation, one person is used for the benefit of another. The manipulator deliberately creates an imbalance of power and exploits the victim to serve his or her agenda.

Below is a list of nine manipulative tricks people often use to coerce others into a position of disadvantage. This is not meant to be an exhaustive list, but rather a compilation of subtle as well as strident examples of coercion. Not everyone who acts in the following manners may be deliberately trying to manipulate you. Some people simply have very poor habits. Regardless, it’s important to recognize these behaviours in situations where your rights, interests and safety are at stake.

 

1. Let You Speak First to Establish Your Baseline and Look for Weaknesses

 

Many salespeople do this when they prospect you. By asking you general and probing questions, they establish a baseline about your thinking and behaviour, from which they can then evaluate your strengths and weaknesses. This type of questioning with a hidden agenda can also occur in personal relationships or your workplace.

 

2. Home Court Advantage

A manipulative individual may insist on your meeting and interacting in a physical space where he or she can exercise more dominance and control.
This can be the manipulator’s office, home, car, or other spaces where he feels ownership and familiarity (and where you lack them).

 

3. Giving You Little or No Time to Decide

This is a common sales and negotiation tactic, where the manipulator puts pressure on you to make a decision before you’re ready. By applying tension and control onto you, it is hoped that you will “crack” and give in to the aggressor’s demands.

 

4. Manipulation of Facts

Examples of manipulation of facts include:

  • Lying.
  • Excuse making.
  • Two-faced.
  • Blaming the victim for causing their own victimization.
  • Deformation of the truth.
  • Strategic disclosure or withholding of key information.
  • Exaggeration.
  • Understatement.
  • The one-sided bias of issue.

 

5. Negative Humour Designed to Poke at Your Weaknesses and Disempower You

Some manipulators like to make critical remarks, often disguised as humour or sarcasm, to make you seem inferior and less secure.
Examples of this can include any variety of comments ranging from your appearance to your older model smartphone, to your background and credentials, to the fact that you walked in two minutes late and out of breath.
By making you look bad, and getting you to feel bad, the aggressor hopes to impose psychological superiority over you.

 

6. The Silent Treatment

By deliberately not responding to your reasonable calls, text messages, emails, or other inquiries, the manipulator presumes power by making you wait, and intends to place doubt and uncertainty in your mind. The silent treatment is a head game where silence is used as a form of leverage.

 

7. Guilt-Baiting

Examples include:

  • Unreasonable blaming.
  • Targeting the recipient’s soft spot.
  • Holding another responsible for the manipulator’s happiness and success, or unhappiness and failures.

By targeting the recipient’s emotional weaknesses and vulnerability, the manipulator coerces the recipient into ceding unreasonable requests and demands.

 

8. Victimhood

Examples include:

  • Exaggerated or imagined personal issues.
  • Exaggerated or imagined health issues.
  • Dependency.
  • Co-dependency.
  • Deliberate frailty to elicit sympathy and favour.
  • Playing weak, powerless, or martyr.

The purpose of manipulative victimhood is often to exploit the recipient’s goodwill, guilty conscience, sense of duty and obligation, or protective and nurturing instinct, in order to extract unreasonable benefits and concessions.

9. Overwhelm You with Procedures and Red Tape

Certain people use bureaucracy – paperwork, procedures, laws and by-laws, committees, and other roadblocks to maintain their position and power while making your life more difficult.
This technique can also be used to delay fact-finding and truth-seeking, hide flaws and weaknesses, and evade scrutiny.

5 Red Flags Your Relationship Is Toxic

Guys DO NOT miss these signs.

When we’re in the thick of our day-to-day life with an *******, we don’t see the long-term negative impact our relationship has on our mood, self-esteem, self-confidence, values, goals and our other meaningful relationships.

We can transform from a motivated, healthy, happy person into a miserable, snivelling wreck no one wants to be around without even knowing its happening.

This tends to remind you of the story of the frog who is put in a pool of cool water. He doesn’t realize it’s actually a pot on a stove that is slowly coming to boil. He’s cooked and ready to eat before he even knows it. And I don’t think we want to turn into a delicious pair of frog legs on our toxic roustabout’s silver platter.

In this post I 5 outline red flags that your relationship is toxic.

Let’s jump right into it.

 

  1. Friends and Family Don’t like Who You’ve Become When with Your Woman.

It’s a red flag when your family doesn’t like your girl, but that reaction can cut both ways.

Have you ever had someone who really loves you, someone who truly has your back, say something like this to you:

“It’s not that I don’t like your girlfriend/lover/spouse. It’s just that I don’t like who you become when you’re with him. I feel like you’re not being your true self”?

I can’t tell you how many times I heard some variation of that line from friends and family while I was dating each of my heartbreakers. But I was in denial because I was neck-deep in an oxytocin-dopamine tsunami of addiction to the relationships and didn’t want to look too closely at what they were costing me.

You do not want to be in a position where you start digging through her personal papers and letters, driving hours to see if she was really where she said she was, then driving back without her even knowing If you been there. You will end up being transformed into a neurotic Geisha when your girl is around and a complaining harridan when she wasn’t in sight.

Marginalize closest people in your life and isolate toxic relationship in your life and let them intervene if they see that you in a toxic relationship.

 

  1. You Become Unreliable and Inconsistent.

When the woman we love is inconsistent and unreliable, we can often mirror him, becoming unreliable and inconsistent with everyone except our Juliet. For her, we’ll make ourselves available at a ping, waiting hours or days for him to deign to see us. But then we start being late for or cancelling appointments with friends, family, work and colleagues in order to be forever on-call for our unpredictable *******.

 

And as we wait at the beck and call of our lover, other meaningful relationships fall by the wayside.

People stop calling because they know we’ll throw them over the second our rascal crooks his little finger. Pretty soon our lives become small, insular and lonely. And isolation is the worst thing that can happen to a relationship addict.

  1. You Do Weird Things to Affirm the Relationship.

Anyone might predict a wonderful future for you and your heartbreaker if you can just figure out how to control her. Worse, you might rely on the wrong self-help book that affirms your choice to stay in your heart-stomping situation with the false belief you can influence your man by applying the tools presented within.

You tend to invest in nonsense like John Gray’s still-popular Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus was my Bible. Those books and tools

 

What I didn’t realize was that when you’re the only one scratching and fighting for the relationship, Gray’s advice can prolong your tolerance for very bad behaviour and keep you in purgatory indefinitely. The reality is, a relationship is only as good as the person who tries the least.

  1. You Turn the Narcissist’s Breadcrumbs into a Rustic Loaf.

The longer we stay in toxic circumstances, the more we deplete our jet fuel and self-worth. Until soon we’re giving the scoundrel credit for doing the absolute minimum to keep our relationship slogging along. Men trapped in soul-numbing situations are extraordinary bakers. They can take their chap’s breadcrumbs and whip them into a rustic loaf because they desperately want to justify staying with her.

 

  1. You Become Addicted to the Cycle of Abuse.

It’s important, that I make it very clear that I’m talking about emotional abuse. If you’re in a physically abusive relationship put this down right now and immediately seek help. The National Domestic Violence Helpline is at 0800 150 150.