Guys DO NOT miss these signs.
When we’re in the thick of our day-to-day life with an *******, we don’t see the long-term negative impact our relationship has on our mood, self-esteem, self-confidence, values, goals and our other meaningful relationships.
We can transform from a motivated, healthy, happy person into a miserable, snivelling wreck no one wants to be around without even knowing its happening.
This tends to remind you of the story of the frog who is put in a pool of cool water. He doesn’t realize it’s actually a pot on a stove that is slowly coming to boil. He’s cooked and ready to eat before he even knows it. And I don’t think we want to turn into a delicious pair of frog legs on our toxic roustabout’s silver platter.
In this post I 5 outline red flags that your relationship is toxic.
Let’s jump right into it.
Friends and Family Don’t like Who You’ve Become When with Your Woman.
It’s a red flag when your family doesn’t like your girl, but that reaction can cut both ways.
Have you ever had someone who really loves you, someone who truly has your back, say something like this to you:
“It’s not that I don’t like your girlfriend/lover/spouse. It’s just that I don’t like who you become when you’re with him. I feel like you’re not being your true self”?
I can’t tell you how many times I heard some variation of that line from friends and family while I was dating each of my heartbreakers. But I was in denial because I was neck-deep in an oxytocin-dopamine tsunami of addiction to the relationships and didn’t want to look too closely at what they were costing me.
You do not want to be in a position where you start digging through her personal papers and letters, driving hours to see if she was really where she said she was, then driving back without her even knowing If you been there. You will end up being transformed into a neurotic Geisha when your girl is around and a complaining harridan when she wasn’t in sight.
Marginalize closest people in your life and isolate toxic relationship in your life and let them intervene if they see that you in a toxic relationship.
You Become Unreliable and Inconsistent.
When the woman we love is inconsistent and unreliable, we can often mirror him, becoming unreliable and inconsistent with everyone except our Juliet. For her, we’ll make ourselves available at a ping, waiting hours or days for him to deign to see us. But then we start being late for or cancelling appointments with friends, family, work and colleagues in order to be forever on-call for our unpredictable *******.
And as we wait at the beck and call of our lover, other meaningful relationships fall by the wayside.
People stop calling because they know we’ll throw them over the second our rascal crooks his little finger. Pretty soon our lives become small, insular and lonely. And isolation is the worst thing that can happen to a relationship addict.
You Do Weird Things to Affirm the Relationship.
Anyone might predict a wonderful future for you and your heartbreaker if you can just figure out how to control her. Worse, you might rely on the wrong self-help book that affirms your choice to stay in your heart-stomping situation with the false belief you can influence your man by applying the tools presented within.
You tend to invest in nonsense like John Gray’s still-popular Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus was my Bible. Those books and tools
What I didn’t realize was that when you’re the only one scratching and fighting for the relationship, Gray’s advice can prolong your tolerance for very bad behaviour and keep you in purgatory indefinitely. The reality is, a relationship is only as good as the person who tries the least.
You Turn the Narcissist’s Breadcrumbs into a Rustic Loaf.
The longer we stay in toxic circumstances, the more we deplete our jet fuel and self-worth. Until soon we’re giving the scoundrel credit for doing the absolute minimum to keep our relationship slogging along. Men trapped in soul-numbing situations are extraordinary bakers. They can take their chap’s breadcrumbs and whip them into a rustic loaf because they desperately want to justify staying with her.
You Become Addicted to the Cycle of Abuse.
It’s important, that I make it very clear that I’m talking about emotional abuse. If you’re in a physically abusive relationship put this down right now and immediately seek help. The National Domestic Violence Helpline is at 0800 150 150.