5 Common Sexual Health Issues Men Face

For men, discussing sexual health issues might be an uphill task because any indication of a challenge in this regard is usually considered to be an indictment of his masculinity. However, this shouldn’t be the case. In addition, sexual health issues can be a sore spot for men in relationships whose situations will largely impact on their partners.

 

For instance, 20 percent of couples are deemed to be infertile and while women are commonly seen as the root cause, especially in countries like South Africa, research suggests that men are 50% culpable too. This is why we think it is important for men to take their sexual health seriously and consult medical professionals if need be.

Below are a few sexual health issues faced by men, and the cause:

 

  1. Erectile Dysfunction (ED)

Commonly referred to as impotence, this is when a man can no longer achieve or maintain an erection for intercourse. It could also be when a man experiences a marked decrease in sexual desire.

ED is often caused by an existing physical problem because for a person’s to become sexually aroused, his brain, hormones, nerves, muscles, and blood vessels all need to be functional – in tandem and individually. Possible causes of impotence include: heart disease, diabetes, obesity, high cholesterol and blood pressure, low testosterone, excessive use of alcohol, etc.

This might not be a problem if it’s a one-off but if it becomes an ongoing issue, it can affect a man’s self-confidence and negatively impact his relationship.

 

  1. Low Sperm Count

Semen is the fluid containing the sperm a man ejaculates during intercourse. It is not the same as sperm, which can be likened to the passenger while the semen is the bus. If a man ejaculates semen that contains less sperm than normal, he is considered to have a low sperm count. This condition is also referred to as oligospermia, where as if an individual has zero sperm, it is known as azoospermia.

Low Sperm Count can be caused by a variety of factors, many of which are avoidable: smoking, excessive alcohol consumption, obesity, direct heat to the groin, and excessive intercourse (yes, this is a ‘thing’).

 

  1. Low Testosterone

Testosterone is the hormone that influences a man’s sex drive, as well as his muscle and bone strength in adulthood. Basically, testosterone is the key hormone that makes a man, a man – biologically speaking. Symptoms of low testosterone include: low libido, poor erectile function and an overall reduction of sexual activity. Low testosterone is often linked to other health issues like diabetes, obesity, infection, an additional hormone disorder, testicular cancer, etc.

 

  1. Peyronie’s Disease

Peyronie’s disease is a condition that occurs when fibrous scar tissue forms inside the penis. This scar tissue then causes a man’s erection to curve, which can result in significant pain and discomfort. Peyronie’s disease can be caused by an injury to the penis such that blood cells become trapped at the injury site, leading a build-up of scar tissue while the body tries to heal naturally.

 

Not all cases of Peyronie’s disease happen as a result of injury as it can occur gradually for some men as they age. However, there are both medical and surgical options available to treat the disease.

  1. Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia (BPH)

Also known as prostate enlargement, this is a natural aspect of ageing in men but can have adverse effects later on. The prostate surrounds part of the urethra, the tube that carries urine and semen out of the penis. When a man has BPH, the prostate is larger than usual so it squeezes the urethra. This can cause a weak stream when men pee and cause them to wake up a lot at night to go to the bathroom.

BPH isn’t prostate cancer and doesn’t make one more likely to get it.

It is a common condition, especially in older men but there are a lot of treatments for it, from lifestyle changes to surgery.

 

For Male Sexual Health, Contact men’s clinic today. We treat weak erection, penis enlargement, ED & more.

Gay Sexual Health

Gay Sexual Health

I am often surprised when I am asked if we offer Gay Sexual Health treatments, as if who a person has sex with determines sexual function. The short answer is “Yes,” but then I am really uncomfortable with that answer too! We work in Sexual Medicine – Period. Gay, bi, straight, pansexual, asexual, omnisexual, whatever – The labels just don’t matter. As long as you are male. If you need help, we’re here to help.

 

But I get it. I understand where the question is usually coming from. For many patients, their experience with doctors and sexual issues has been fraught with trauma. It is hard for most people to talk to their doctor about sexual issues. When someone is in a sexual minority, that conversation can be terrifying.

Unfortunately, I have heard too many stories from patients and their harrowing experiences with doctors who were less than sensitive about patient concerns. At our clinic we very careful and we respect our clients, we will listen to you and offer expert advice on how to fix your problem.

So, when I am asked about Gay Sexual Health, I’m hearing the unspoken question of:

  1. “Am I safe to come to your clinic?”
  2. “Is my sexuality going to be a problem?”
  3. “Will I be made to feel bad/awkward/perverted/weird/marginalized/dehumanized/unaccepted if I come to Men’s Clinic Johannesburg for help?”

 

The answer is a resounding affirmation of who you are, your sexuality, your sexual expression, and of you! One of the first appointments is where the patient sits down and we figure out where we can help and what treatment goals are.

We don’t tell the patient what our goals are – we listen to them and align our goals with the patient’s desires.  For any sexual questions or concerns, contact us for a phone consultation. We will work to help you have the best sex life possible. Who you decide to have sex with is up to you!

 

For Men’s Clinic around Johannesburg contact us for help today.

People Telling Their Greatest Sexual Achievements of All Time

Everyone has a different idea of what makes phenomenal sex. For some, it might be a wild romp with a stranger; for others, it might be a powerful bonding experience or a sex session that leads to a long-desired pregnancy.

Those are just some of the experiences people shared in a recent viral Reddit thread. The initial post asked users: “What do you consider is your greatest sexual achievement?” The question racked up more than 17,000 responses in the span of a day, and they are highly entertaining to read.

Check out some of the sexy highlights below.

1) Made my ex bf cum from poking his belly button really hard. He said it had never happened before and I’ve never tried it to anyone since but I always laugh when I think about it and still don’t fully understand how it happened. —randomredittor21

 

2) Gave a woman an orgasm by rubbing her nipples. —MerryMilkMan

 

3) Being married almost 50 years and we still desire each other [and] get each other off with immense satisfaction. Yeah I know, youngsters will think it’s gross, but just wait. If you’re lucky, you’ll be here someday. —driverman42

 

4) My younger brother had a female friend who I hooked up with casually one night when we were teenagers. Some heavy petting and reaching into each other’s underwear. She then told me she was a virgin and was ready to sleep with me. I told her she should wait and lose it to someone who she loved to make it special. Years later we bumped into each other and had a few drinks. Both now being single, she invited me back to her house and divulged she’d always been thankful that she’d held onto it and did lose it to a guy she loved at the time. Then we admitted we’d both fantasized about each other since and proceeded to have some crazy, drunk, unbridled sex. It was like five years of foreplay. —Nico_Colognes

5) Receiving a blowjob in a ski gondola with magnificent alpine panorama in front of me. And many friends in the gondola behind having no clue. And my gf going all in because she knew she only had 8 minutes to finish me off. —Heiminator

 

6) I was giving my wife a session dedicated to her and after a while she has her first orgasm. There hadn’t been any penetration up to that point so she asked me to get on top and rough her up. She tells me rough penetration after an orgasm sometimes feels as good as the orgasm itself. Anyway I get on top and I last all of about a minute because I’m already at 99% just from her moaning and seeing her squirm for the previous half hour. She can tell what’s going on and asks me if I’m cumming and when I tell her I am she starts her second orgasm just as I’ve finished mine. It’s so intense it feels like she’s about to pinch my wiener off and then she squirts for the first time. My wife has had multiple orgasms a couple times before but this was the first time I had ever seen a woman squirt. —GrainyGuernica

 

 

7) I was able to climax once based on the power of thought alone. —deepsoulfunk

 

8) Had a surprise 3 way with my gf at the time and her best friend. literally had to go to the bathroom to give myself a mirror pep talk. —Jacktropolis

9) About 8 and a half months ago my wife and I decided we were going to start trying to have a baby. My wife even joked around that if I could get her pregnant by February she would buy me a brand new Boston Bruins jersey (she always had this insecurity that she might not be able to get pregnant or it might be tough). I decided to make things a little spicy and banged her right on the kitchen table and she said it was hands down her favorite time. Anyway, I should get to meet my daughter in about 2 weeks. I will be wearing my jersey. —Batmantheon

 

10) Conditioning my boyfriend to get a boner when “Benny and the Jets” plays. He was complaining one day he hated the song, so I decided to blow him whenever it played to give him better memories to associate with it. “Benny and the Jets” now makes him a combo of horny and mad 😂 —Marauder424

 

11) A stranger and I knowing what we wanted with a glance, kissing and seconds later fucking on a loading dock without a word ever spoken between us. —luvdemtiddies

 

12) I ate out my wife once and apparently I was doing too good. She punched me in the forehead out of nowhere and I asked what the hell. She said she was about to black out. I still bring that one up with her. —Kryrimstercat115

 

13) A spring popped out of the bed and cut my leg open. Still finished. —Dogstile

 

14) My first girlfriend wanted to see how many times we could have sex in one day so we planned a fuck-a-thon and spent the entire day doin’ it and doin’ it and doin’ it well. Every other thing we did was have sex. Sex, breakfast, sex, shower, sex, tv, sex, order pizza, sex, tip delivery driver, sex, eat pizza, sex... We did it 10 times in a 24 hour period. Later in life I had another girlfriend who asked whats the most I ever had sex in a day was. When I told her this she said, “We can beat that.” So I did the same thing again but we didn’t make it to 11, just tied at 10. —melodic_convulsion

 

15) I got an ex of mine to orgasm so hard she began spasming like she was having a seizure and I called 9-1-1 for help. They arrived 4 minutes later. We were only 2 blocks from a hospital (I forgot) they showed up as my ex finally stopped spasming. She was super embarrassed and one of the paramedics looked at me and nodded before leaving. —CheetosAddict

 

16) Having sex in a tent during huge thunderstorm and cumming on a loud thunder strike. Felt like I was Thor. —thenookiecookie

Foods

19 Foods That Might Help You Stay Erect

If you’re struggling with erectile dysfunction, or not being able to get and stay hard during sex, your diet could have something to do with it. It turns out a crappy diet can do more than wreck your waistline—it can sink your erection, too.

Some of the smallest blood vessels and nerves in your body can be found in your penis. So if you’re slamming down junk like pizza and fries every day, your blood vessels down under may get clogged with fat and cholesterol.

This restricts blood flow to your penis, preventing you from getting hard when you’re ready for action and even putting your heart health at risk down the road. Many of these foods can increase your chances of developing high blood pressure, too.

It may sound wacky, but you should treat your penis like a luxury car. To keep your ride running smoothly, you need to fill it with the recommended fuel and keep up with the suggested maintenance. Well, your penis needs the same—like healthy foods and plenty of exercise—to keep it going strong, he says.

Filling up with the right foods can boost your testosterone, strengthen your sperm, and supercharge your erection. Even better, a good diet will keep your heart healthy. So, what do we recommend as premium fuel?

These 19 foods are a good place to start.

 

  1. Watermelon, Pumpkin, Cucumber

Watermelon, Pumpkin, Cucumber

A 2011 study published in the journal Urology evaluated 24 men who took L-citrulline and placebo and rated the “hardness” of their erections. When the men took the supplement, erections were rated as harder than when they took the placebo. Foods that contain high levels of L-citrulline include watermelon, pumpkin, and cucumbers.

 

  1. Turkey, Chicken, Peanuts, Soybeans

Turkey, Chicken, Peanuts, Soybeans

A 2019 meta-analysis published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine concluded that arginine was useful to treat mild to moderate erectile dysfunction. Foods high in arginine include turkey, chicken, peanuts, and soybeans.

Keep in mind that a few watermelon slices or a handful of soybeans won’t magically transform your erection. Most of the supplements offered in these studies for erectile dysfunction included high concentrations of L-citrulline and arginine, so it’s unlikely that eating a few cucumbers or an entire watermelon will lead to a rock-hard erection.

  1. Spinach, Arugula, Celery

Spinach, Arugula, Celery

Foods that can increase nitric oxide include spinach, arugula, and celery.

Nitric Oxide is one of the key ingredients in developing a good erection. It increases blood flow to the genitals and is essential in maintaining an erection. Many of our currently available medical therapies focus on this.

 

  1. Salmon, Egg Yolks, Fortified Milk

Salmon, Egg Yolks, Fortified Milk

Your D needs vitamin D, suggests one Austrian study—and the foods above are great sources of it.

After researchers had men take either 3,332 IU of vitamin D or a placebo per day for a year, they found that free testosterone levels—the powerhouse behind your sex drive—significantly increased in guys loading up with vitamin D.

Plus, insufficient D levels may also increase your risk for erectile dysfunction, Italian researchers found. When you don’t get enough vitamin D, you produce free radicals that decrease nitric oxide in your body, a compound that helps your blood vessels function, the researchers say.

Without it, your blood vessels can’t relax, hindering the flow of blood to your penis. That makes it difficult for you to get hard.

So how much D do you really need? That’s still up for debate.

  1. Pistachios, Almonds, Walnuts

Pistachios, Almonds, Walnuts

Need a snack? Choose nuts, researchers from Turkey suggest. After 17 men with ED ate 100 grams of pistachios for three weeks, they all reported a significant improvement in their erectile function, ability to orgasm, libido, sexual satisfaction, and overall happiness in life.

As a bonus, they all had higher HDL, or “good,” cholesterol and lower LDL, or “bad,” cholesterol, too.

Pistachios contain a high amount of an amino acid that boosts nitric oxide in your body, the researchers say. And like almonds, walnuts, and most other nuts, they’re a great source of healthy fats, which are good for your heart and therefore your penis.

  1. Legumes, Whole Grains, Olive Oil

Legumes, Whole Grains, Olive Oil

The Mediterranean diet is good for your heart, it’s not exactly surprising that it may benefit your penis, too. Heart disease is actually one of the most common causes of ED. Once plaque starts to build up in your blood vessels, the ones in your penis are the first to get blocked up.

 

For men’s health clinic Johannesburg, men’s clinic, men’s health clinic Johannesburg CBD contact us today.

Sex Mistakes Men Make

7 Sex Mistakes Men Make in Bed

Men, a change in thinking may improve your sex life. Get the details on 7 common sex mistakes men make with women, and learn how to avoid them.

Mistake 1: Sex Starts in the Bedroom

Men may turn on like a light, but for women, arousal doesn’t happen so fast.

Pave the way during the day by hugging, kissing, and holding hands. Have some fun together, and show you appreciate her.

Feeling safe and secure in the relationship is key for a woman to really let loose during sex. A long hug can go further than you’d think. Hugging for 30 seconds stimulates oxytocin, the hormone in women that creates [a] sense of connection and trust.

 

Mistake 2: Assume You Know What They Want

Just as many women are faking orgasm today as 20 or 30 years ago. So, if she’s not enjoying herself, you might not know it.

Don’t be afraid to ask questions like “How does this feel?” or “Do you want something different?”

In other words, ask for directions.

 

Mistake 3: Stick to Your Plan

Don’t think that if it worked the first three times, it will work the next three times.

What turns her on may depend on her mood, and where she is in her monthly cycle. Perhaps her nipples are more sensitive or her genitals are less tingly.

Pay attention to your partner, Try different things and see how she responds.

When you find something that works, linger on it. Women often complain that men move on to the next thing just as they really start to enjoy an activity.

 

Mistake 4: Keep It Strictly Physical

Expand your idea of foreplay. Some men focus on physical stimulation and often ignore mental stimulation.

While men get stirred up by what they see, women fantasize a lot during sex as part of the process of arousal. Join in — share a fantasy or a sexy memory.

 

Mistake 5: Expect Intercourse to Give Them an Orgasm

For 80% of women, intercourse alone won’t do the trick. Why not? Most sex positions don’t directly stimulate the clitoris.

 

There are other ways to pleasure her. Women orgasm much more consistently from oral sex than from intercourse.

Also, try sex with the woman on top, or a vibrator made for couples to use during sex. Men should feel comfortable, not threatened, with sex toys.

To help her hit the high note when you do have sex, take time to get her going before you make your entrance. The closer women are when they start intercourse, the more likely they are to have an orgasm.

 

Mistake 6: Skip the Seduction

Women like to be seduced. Seduction is as important as, or sometimes more important than, technique.

It helps to know what kind of turn-on your partner likes, whether it’s oral, visual, or mental.

Does your partner like it when you talk dirty over the phone or text? Trace your finger slowly up her chest? Flirt with her at a bar?

Also, if you like what you see, say so. Let a woman know how desirable she is.

 

Mistake 7: Focus on Ringing the Bell

Most women need clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm, but it’s more complex than you may think.

Some men don’t understand the anatomy of the clitoris. It’s more than the small “button” you can see. Its nerve endings spread throughout the vulva and inside the vagina. All are potential pleasure points worth exploring.

You can go back and forth. Paying too much attention to the glans, at the top of the vulva, can take away from pleasure for some women. It’s so sensitive, that too much stimulation can hurt.

 

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Penis

5 Things You Didn’t Know About Your Penis

In this post, we cover 5 things you did not know about your penis, its Sensitivity, pleasure, size, and other surprising facts.

 

  1. Use It or Lose It

You need to have erections regularly to keep your penis in shape – It has to be essentially exercised.

To maintain a healthy tone, the smooth muscle of the penis must be periodically enriched with oxygen by the rush of blood that engorges the penis and makes it erect.

If guys are physically able to get erect but never have erections during the day — maybe they find themselves in very un-erotic circumstances for a long time — they needn’t worry. The brain has an automatic penis maintenance function built-in.

Impulses from the brain cause erections during the dreaming phase of sleep called the REM phase. It doesn’t matter if you’re having a hot sex dream or a zombie apocalypse nightmare — your penis gets hard during that period of the sleep cycle.

But some men are physically unable to get erections, such as those who’ve suffered trauma to the nerves involved or who have nerve or blood vessel damage caused by diabetes.

If you don’t do anything to maintain normal erections, they will get shortening of the penis. Without regular erections, penile tissue can become less elastic and shrink, making the penis 1-2 centimetres shorter.

A device like a vacuum pump, which forces the penis to swell with blood, can help men with physical erection problems maintain a healthy penis. Or contact us for help.

  1. Your Penis May Be a ‘Grower’ or a ‘Show-er’

Among men, there is no consistent relationship between the size of the flaccid penis and its full erect length.

In one study of 80 men, researchers found that increases from flaccid to erect lengths ranged widely, from less than a quarter-inch to 3.5 inches longer.

Whatever the clinical significance of these data may be, the locker-room significance is considerable. You can’t assume that a dude with a big, limp penis gets much bigger with an erection. And the guy whose penis looks tiny might get a surprisingly big erection.

An analysis of more than a thousand measurements taken by sex researcher Alfred Kinsey shows that shorter flaccid penises tend to gain about twice as much length as longer flaccid penises.

A penis that doesn’t gain much length with an erection has become known as a “show-er,” and a penis that gains a lot is said to be a “grower.” These are not medical terms, and there aren’t scientifically established thresholds for what’s a show-er or a grower.

 

  1. Sensitivity Declines With Age

 

Studies show that the penis steadily loses sensitivity as men age though it’s hard to say exactly by how much. That’s because different researchers have used different ways to stimulate the penis and measure sensitivity.

In general, the sensitivity of the penis is gauged by the least amount of stimulation a man is able to feel. That is called the “sensory threshold.”

From age 25 on, sensitivity starts to decline. The sharpest decline in sensitivity is seen between age 65 and 75.

What’s less clear is whether men really notice a loss of sensitivity as they age.

 

  1. Vibrators Work on the Penis Too

 

Vibrators aren’t only for women. They work on the penis, too. In fact, vibration is so effective on the penis that often men with spinal cord injuries can ejaculate with the aid of a special medical vibrator. For this kind of treatment, the vibrator is usually held against the underside of the head of the penis.

Most men don’t need a medical vibrator to trigger an orgasm. When patients see him about delayed ejaculation — difficulty reaching orgasm — he suggests they try a store-bought vibrating personal massager.

Although vibrators often help men with ejaculation problems, you don’t have to have any kind of medical condition to use one. You could do it just for fun.

 

  1. There’s More to the Penis Than Meets the Eye

Most guys would be proud to know that their penis is twice as long as they think it is.

That’s because half the length of the penis is inside your body. Just like you don’t see all of a big oak tree above ground, you don’t see the root of your penis tucked up inside your pelvis and attached to your pubic bone.

For men’s health clinic in Johannesburg, Sandton, Rivonia contact us today. We offer Penis enlargement, sex enhancements, weak erection solutions and more.

7 Secrets Of Happy Couples

7 Secrets Of Happy Couples

There is no miracle recipe for a successful relationship. However, while being happy together is based first and foremost on chemistry specific to each couple, there are some “ingredients” we can focus on to encourage, support, and develop our love for one another. There are indeed some rules or rather, secrets that can help. They aren’t magical, but they’re valuable tips that can be useful to all those who embark on the path of married life.

 

Discover the 7 secrets of relationship happiness. Which ones resonate with you the most?

They Accept Each Other’s Differences

It’s nearly impossible to find two people who do everything in exactly the same way. Being somewhat different from your partner can make your relationship more fun and exciting. You might get the chance to look at things in a new way, or experience things you wouldn’t have tried on your own. Compromise is a natural part of putting two distinct human beings together. It can be a celebration of our uniqueness. As long as both partners are willing to make adjustments or give things up for the sake of a better relationship, then the process of negotiation will only make you stronger. Happy couples don’t give up who they are to be in a relationship, but they work with their partners to bring out the best in one another.

They Cultivate The Art Of Their Conversations

One of the biggest problems in communicating is that most couples have a basic misconception of what the purpose of communication is.  Most approach talking with a partner as a debate in which each presents a preconceived version of the reality of what is going on between the two partner. One purpose of communication is to determine what reality is. Happy couples communicate in order to bring collaboration or oneness between them as they share and examine all of their perceptions, feelings, ideas and thoughts to come to an accurate understanding of what is happening. They have a special way of communicating that they reserve for their partners. What makes it special is that it does not include abusive behaviours such as: being complaining, demanding, bossy, irritable, sarcastic, childish, and condescending…to name a few.

They Practice Gratitude

Happy couples make it a point to notice when their partner has done something kind or thoughtful for them. They let their partners know that they appreciate their thoughtfulness by expressing your gratitude. They consider the personality of their partners and their history together and reflect upon the best ways for you, as a unique couple, to express gratitude. Showing gratitude helps because perhaps your partner would deeply appreciate a genuine “thank you,” or a sweet little note hidden someplace, or a hug at the end of the day.  Part of expressing true gratitude to your partner is expressing it in a way that shows you understand and appreciate them.

They Cultivate Physical Expressions Of Affection

Affection is more than just an emotion, it can be considered as a requirement in healthy relationships. Affection is an ebb and flow between two people, where each individual is giving and receiving a certain amount of contact and interaction at all times. Whether it is through a hug, kiss or just a phone call, affection is the way we show others in our lives how important they are in the world. Happy couples show physical expressions of affection as a way to showing the love they carry in their hearts for their partners.

They Text Less When Together But Have More Face To Face Interactions

In the good old days, dating was defined by a series of face-to-face encounters. People met, they spent time in each other’s company, they got to know each other’s friends and couples, and they evaluated the quality of their connection and compatibility in person. Sure, they talked on the phone or maybe sent the occasional letter, but the core of their relationship centred on face-to-face interactions. A subtle shift seems to be occurring in today’s dating relationships and it warrants our attention. Technology that once supplemented relationship development is now, it seems, taking on a larger role in relationship formation and maintenance. Happy couples often make a ground rule I n their relationship that when together, texting will be replaced by meaningful conversations together.

They Work Together As A Team

Partners in healthy relationships respect communicating the importance of each other’s time. They explore what they like to do as a couple, and individually, to grow the relationship, as well as themselves. Men are more likely to do nice things for people who show them massive amounts of respect. That’s how male brains are wired. In a relationship, it’s important to know that her brain is a little bit different. When it comes to planning and scheduling, two activities that actually relax the female brain, you both want to feel important. Including each other in the decision-making process shows that you care about each other’s schedules and interests.

They Energize And Inspire One Another

When you see each other, in your elements, you’ll become impressed, inspired and excited, which will help strengthen your relationship. Simple gestures can go a long way to energize your partner. Healthy couples know the importance of that ‘unspoken language’. Small things like eye contact or small talk are often overlooked, but can really help boost someone’s mood.

The 6 Best Tips for Handling Anger and Resentment in Relationships

Too much fighting in your relationship?

Empathy is the antidote to anger!

Resentment and anger in relationships often stem from utter dismay at how your spouse could have possibly done what they did.

You just can’t understand it — you never would have done such a thing.

So what is the solution to dealing with resentment against your spouse and its possible escalation to anger? The solution is to channel the shock at your spouse’s behaviour into empathy, to try and understand them, and to come at the situation trying to see their perspective. It’s trite to say, but that’s because it is advice which is perennial. If it were easy, no one would need to talk about it much.

In this post I cover 6 best tips to handle anger and resentment in relationships.

Use “I statement” feeling terms, but don’t use “you.”

Here is one example of how to phrase dissatisfaction over another spouse’s actions:

“I feel resentful that xyz Is still not done. I want to understand if I can help you in any way to fix xyz, because I will feel really relieved and relaxed when it’s sorted.”

Practice active listening.

Repeat back what you heard in order to confirm you understand, and affirm your partner’s feelings.

Count to ten before speaking.

Counting to ten will help you choose your words more carefully and not say something you will regret.

 

Love is not a contract between two narcissists. It’s more than that. It’s a construction that compels the participants to go beyond narcissism. In order that love lasts one has to reinvent oneself. – French Philosopher Alain Badiou

Implement the I-Thou.

“Catch” the other’s feelings, trying to feel them yourself. Surprisingly, this makes the experience of those feelings actually diminish.

This is powerful because it is really the only way a person can impact another’s experience with feelings of anger in relationships.

Connect physically.

For one, hug, and do have sex. For many women, this may involve a bit of fake it ’til you make it if the situation is in the process of being resolved but isn’t there yet. For most men, sex actually serves to alleviate resentment because it’s a form of connection in its own right.

 

Even though you both might not be in the same emotional place during the resolution process, connecting physically can help.

In fact, some marriage counsellors suggest that if the marriage is on a downswing, have sex at least once a day. The scheduled connection might put things in a different light and aid in resolving resentment.

Engage in daily empathy actions.

Empathy is not necessarily the default feeling and needs some retraining to become par for the course. Routine empathy can be actualized by checking in with our partners about how they are feeling, looking them in the eye, and regularly giving the benefit of the doubt. Once empathy becomes intrinsic behaviour, resentment often becomes a thing of the past.

Empathy, it turns out, is the antidote to anger in relationships. As such, feelings of empathy also fuel natural anxiety reduction. Not only will you hopefully come to an understanding with your life partner, you will both feel calmer.

Making empathy a regular part of your relationship will have an impact not only on getting along better, but ultimately feeling more connected and less stressed, because it facilitates you getting out of your own head, and into your partner’s. Empathy, as such, fosters unity, transforming narcissistic into conjoined, and dismay into understanding..

Conclusion

Practice the above to revive and handle Anger and Resentment in your relationship.

For men’s health-related issues contact today for assistance.

Psychological and Emotional Manipulation

9 Signs of Psychological and Emotional Manipulation

How to spot a manipulator in your relationship?

Psychological manipulation can be defined as the exercise of undue influence through mental distortion and emotional exploitation, with the intention to seize power, control, benefits and/or privileges at the victim’s expense.

It is important to distinguish healthy social influence from psychological manipulation. Healthy social influence occurs between most people, and is part of the give and take of constructive relationships. In psychological manipulation, one person is used for the benefit of another. The manipulator deliberately creates an imbalance of power and exploits the victim to serve his or her agenda.

Below is a list of nine manipulative tricks people often use to coerce others into a position of disadvantage. This is not meant to be an exhaustive list, but rather a compilation of subtle as well as strident examples of coercion. Not everyone who acts in the following manners may be deliberately trying to manipulate you. Some people simply have very poor habits. Regardless, it’s important to recognize these behaviours in situations where your rights, interests and safety are at stake.

 

1. Let You Speak First to Establish Your Baseline and Look for Weaknesses

 

Many salespeople do this when they prospect you. By asking you general and probing questions, they establish a baseline about your thinking and behaviour, from which they can then evaluate your strengths and weaknesses. This type of questioning with a hidden agenda can also occur in personal relationships or your workplace.

 

2. Home Court Advantage

A manipulative individual may insist on your meeting and interacting in a physical space where he or she can exercise more dominance and control.
This can be the manipulator’s office, home, car, or other spaces where he feels ownership and familiarity (and where you lack them).

 

3. Giving You Little or No Time to Decide

This is a common sales and negotiation tactic, where the manipulator puts pressure on you to make a decision before you’re ready. By applying tension and control onto you, it is hoped that you will “crack” and give in to the aggressor’s demands.

 

4. Manipulation of Facts

Examples of manipulation of facts include:

  • Lying.
  • Excuse making.
  • Two-faced.
  • Blaming the victim for causing their own victimization.
  • Deformation of the truth.
  • Strategic disclosure or withholding of key information.
  • Exaggeration.
  • Understatement.
  • The one-sided bias of issue.

 

5. Negative Humour Designed to Poke at Your Weaknesses and Disempower You

Some manipulators like to make critical remarks, often disguised as humour or sarcasm, to make you seem inferior and less secure.
Examples of this can include any variety of comments ranging from your appearance to your older model smartphone, to your background and credentials, to the fact that you walked in two minutes late and out of breath.
By making you look bad, and getting you to feel bad, the aggressor hopes to impose psychological superiority over you.

 

6. The Silent Treatment

By deliberately not responding to your reasonable calls, text messages, emails, or other inquiries, the manipulator presumes power by making you wait, and intends to place doubt and uncertainty in your mind. The silent treatment is a head game where silence is used as a form of leverage.

 

7. Guilt-Baiting

Examples include:

  • Unreasonable blaming.
  • Targeting the recipient’s soft spot.
  • Holding another responsible for the manipulator’s happiness and success, or unhappiness and failures.

By targeting the recipient’s emotional weaknesses and vulnerability, the manipulator coerces the recipient into ceding unreasonable requests and demands.

 

8. Victimhood

Examples include:

  • Exaggerated or imagined personal issues.
  • Exaggerated or imagined health issues.
  • Dependency.
  • Co-dependency.
  • Deliberate frailty to elicit sympathy and favour.
  • Playing weak, powerless, or martyr.

The purpose of manipulative victimhood is often to exploit the recipient’s goodwill, guilty conscience, sense of duty and obligation, or protective and nurturing instinct, in order to extract unreasonable benefits and concessions.

9. Overwhelm You with Procedures and Red Tape

Certain people use bureaucracy – paperwork, procedures, laws and by-laws, committees, and other roadblocks to maintain their position and power while making your life more difficult.
This technique can also be used to delay fact-finding and truth-seeking, hide flaws and weaknesses, and evade scrutiny.

5 Red Flags Your Relationship Is Toxic

Guys DO NOT miss these signs.

When we’re in the thick of our day-to-day life with an *******, we don’t see the long-term negative impact our relationship has on our mood, self-esteem, self-confidence, values, goals and our other meaningful relationships.

We can transform from a motivated, healthy, happy person into a miserable, snivelling wreck no one wants to be around without even knowing its happening.

This tends to remind you of the story of the frog who is put in a pool of cool water. He doesn’t realize it’s actually a pot on a stove that is slowly coming to boil. He’s cooked and ready to eat before he even knows it. And I don’t think we want to turn into a delicious pair of frog legs on our toxic roustabout’s silver platter.

In this post I 5 outline red flags that your relationship is toxic.

Let’s jump right into it.

 

  1. Friends and Family Don’t like Who You’ve Become When with Your Woman.

It’s a red flag when your family doesn’t like your girl, but that reaction can cut both ways.

Have you ever had someone who really loves you, someone who truly has your back, say something like this to you:

“It’s not that I don’t like your girlfriend/lover/spouse. It’s just that I don’t like who you become when you’re with him. I feel like you’re not being your true self”?

I can’t tell you how many times I heard some variation of that line from friends and family while I was dating each of my heartbreakers. But I was in denial because I was neck-deep in an oxytocin-dopamine tsunami of addiction to the relationships and didn’t want to look too closely at what they were costing me.

You do not want to be in a position where you start digging through her personal papers and letters, driving hours to see if she was really where she said she was, then driving back without her even knowing If you been there. You will end up being transformed into a neurotic Geisha when your girl is around and a complaining harridan when she wasn’t in sight.

Marginalize closest people in your life and isolate toxic relationship in your life and let them intervene if they see that you in a toxic relationship.

 

  1. You Become Unreliable and Inconsistent.

When the woman we love is inconsistent and unreliable, we can often mirror him, becoming unreliable and inconsistent with everyone except our Juliet. For her, we’ll make ourselves available at a ping, waiting hours or days for him to deign to see us. But then we start being late for or cancelling appointments with friends, family, work and colleagues in order to be forever on-call for our unpredictable *******.

 

And as we wait at the beck and call of our lover, other meaningful relationships fall by the wayside.

People stop calling because they know we’ll throw them over the second our rascal crooks his little finger. Pretty soon our lives become small, insular and lonely. And isolation is the worst thing that can happen to a relationship addict.

  1. You Do Weird Things to Affirm the Relationship.

Anyone might predict a wonderful future for you and your heartbreaker if you can just figure out how to control her. Worse, you might rely on the wrong self-help book that affirms your choice to stay in your heart-stomping situation with the false belief you can influence your man by applying the tools presented within.

You tend to invest in nonsense like John Gray’s still-popular Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus was my Bible. Those books and tools

 

What I didn’t realize was that when you’re the only one scratching and fighting for the relationship, Gray’s advice can prolong your tolerance for very bad behaviour and keep you in purgatory indefinitely. The reality is, a relationship is only as good as the person who tries the least.

  1. You Turn the Narcissist’s Breadcrumbs into a Rustic Loaf.

The longer we stay in toxic circumstances, the more we deplete our jet fuel and self-worth. Until soon we’re giving the scoundrel credit for doing the absolute minimum to keep our relationship slogging along. Men trapped in soul-numbing situations are extraordinary bakers. They can take their chap’s breadcrumbs and whip them into a rustic loaf because they desperately want to justify staying with her.

 

  1. You Become Addicted to the Cycle of Abuse.

It’s important, that I make it very clear that I’m talking about emotional abuse. If you’re in a physically abusive relationship put this down right now and immediately seek help. The National Domestic Violence Helpline is at 0800 150 150.